Kindness and Conversation

Conversation is dependent upon one thing: Dialogue. Those of us who have studied language in any form know that “di” in dialogue implies that two parties are taking part in this activity. Dialogue is dependent on multiple parties talking, and not only talking but also listening. Really Listening.

            While babysitting for several families this summer I noticed that I was unable to have intelligent conversation with kids in elementary school, however I could still maintain a productive conversation with these kids. I would say something, they would acknowledge this statement and say something related or ask a question, and if I weren’t actually listening to their response they would call me on it. I was caught. I wasn’t caught for being easily distracted or spacey, but I was caught for being uncaring and unkind. It doesn’t matter that this person that I’m talking to is six years old. I should care about their experiences and thoughts as long as they care enough about me to share these experiences and thoughts with me.

            That is what leads us here. Conversation, true conversation, always leads to a kinder life and a joyful exchange. Amongst my friends from home, the only time we have serious conversations is when they are proclaimed “H2H’s” or “Heart to Hearts.” I think that every conversation should take on this ideal of hearts reaching and connecting with hearts. Whether discussing the troubles we’re facing with school, faith, or family, or just talking about what we had for lunch today, listening and connecting is key.

            Why is it so important to connect with each other every time you take part in conversation? Well, how does it feel to be heard? How does it feel for someone to mention something that you said in passing weeks ago? I know that whenever someone does something that makes it feel that I’ve been heard, my heart leaps and I know that someone cares for me. When I’m in conversation with a big group and I’m not interrupted or ignored, I feel like I could run miles despite my excessive leg injuries.  And if being heard makes me feel this good, why shouldn’t I share this great feeling with others?

            I’ve been challenging myself the past few weeks to listen to people. It has been surprisingly hard. If I ask a question, I better want the answer no matter how long it is. The goal is to get to know people and to care for others more. To spread the kindness of conversation.

            So friends, are you just going to talk, or are you ready to converse?

Automatic Doors and the Conspiracy to Kill Kindness

Some people say it's a southern thing. I've heard countless people who have come down to my college in Birmingham, AL say that they have never had so many people hold the door for someone. Until this was pointed out to me, I never thought twice about the simple act of waiting a few seconds to help out the neighbor walking through the door, or opening the door for the friend that's walking alongside.
As a small child my family would go to the Belle Meade Cafeteria at least once a week with my grandparents. I remember my favorite part of this dinner ever week was standing at the door and opening it for every person that looked even the slightest bit like they were walking towards the restaurant. Belle Meade Cafeteria is gone now, but the doors are still there and rarely opened.
When I returned home from college and stopped hearing about how strange it was for people to be kindly opening doors, I began to notice the number of automatic doors around town stealing my kind gesture from me. I saw purpose for these doors in grocery stores where shoppers pushed large carts disabling them from opening doors. I understood that many disabled people depend on these doors daily. I did not think that these doors were totally necessary at every building I pass in my daily commute. Now, when I walk through an automatic door, I feel almost naked being unable to show the person behind me that I do care for them. When I go out on my own, it brings me joy to be able to step aside, open the door for a stranger, and let them into the building before me. I'm filled with hope for society when I go out with friends and any of the guys open the door for the females present. I elated when a stranger commits this act of kindness for me when I walk through a door.
With this in mind friends, I urge you to see doors as opportunities to spread kindness and care to the friends, or strangers entering the same doors as you, and if you're faced with an automatic door...well I haven't gotten there yet, so just be creative.
Peace.

An Intro to Kindness

Welcome.

I don’t know how you’ve stumbled onto my stream of consciousness, but by now you’re probably wondering about this whole “pursuit of kindness” thing.

Many would think that this is a blog, following a writer who is taking on the challenge of spending a year being kinder to everyone she encounters and documenting it on a blog. No. That’s not what this is. That’s the sequel to the latest Julia Roberts movie.

Kindness is something that many cynics in my life have claimed died along with chivalry and children who know the words “ma’am, sir, please, and thank you.” I’m here to prove these folks wrong, in as kind a way as possible.

For the next several months I plan on documenting as many stories, thoughts, and anything else that exists as possible to prove the existence of kindness.

Now, if I’m devoting this much time to the concept of kindness, it would be helpful to define it for you folks.

The great folks at generatekindness.org wrote

“Kindness is the white blood cell of humankind. It is an act of healing that touches both the healer and the healed. Kindness must be generated – it must arise from within a human being and be expressed. “

That’s a good start, but I think kindness goes further. Kindness is in the heart. It’s intentional. It comes from people, animals –especially dogs because honestly, I’m a dog person – and we can’t forget the ultimate kindness. Kindness originated somewhere, and I’m going to venture to say that kindness originated in the same place everything else originated, as taught to me in my freshman year of high school.

So here are the rules. We talk about kindness. This kindness can be the kindness of a friend, stranger, dog, family member, or of a savior. And we incorporate music in as many posts as possible, because music is joyful and so is kindness, and now both music and kindness will consume my life.

Throughout this journey, I’m going to be adjusting my previous definition of kindness as seen fit. Hopefully by the end of this whole shenanigan, we can fully understand kindness. What it is, where it comes from, and how it can spread.

Peace.